My MF journey is like that. I love myself more as I am losing weight than I did when I was actually a couple of pounds lighter 5 years ago. Because the scale was moving in the other direction. It didn't matter how many points I counted, or how much activity I did, the scale was always moving in the wrong direction. I felt so out of control. So hopeless. I eventually stopped counting points, and then the scale really started moving in the wrong direction.
I had no idea how to evaluate the nutritional make up of my caloric intake and why what I was doing wasn't effective. I probably had a lot of carbohydrates in those meals. Even in the vegetables and fruits I was choosing. And, I kept trying to work on the mental and emotional baggage that came with my obesity but I never ever felt like there was hope that I could be anything BUT obese. A very dark period indeed, even though I weighed less then than I do now.
Today, as I walked around the mall and across streets and through tides of people, I was extremely happy. My feet weren't protesting any more. I could feel my clothes as they moved with me losing contact with my body entirely with certain steps - not attached or constricting any more. Soon, I will be unpacking those clothes I wore at previous weights. Because I am revisiting those weights - in the other direction. And, as I grow out of my current sizes, I will be giving them away. I now know that a) I can get to goal and b) when I do, I will then learn the combination of foods that is my own personal nutritional perfect combination so that I can stay happy. The days are getting brighter all the time.
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