Sometimes the inner brat is subversive and sneaky about it

Today a friend of mine posted about how she realized that she had let her inner brat gain hold using the most subversive of all tools: exercise. Exercising is healthy, right? It is a required element for future health and well-being. So, how did the inner brat almost get her derailed? Because it became the vehicle for tweaking her MF plan. First it was a little more protein, then it was 4 and 2 and then it was, "my body is small enough, I don't have to get to my weight goal." and finally it was, "I'm going to start transitioning this way my trainer at the gym told me."

Each step someone tried to ask questions about her decisions, get her to take a second look and maybe rethink. But here's the thing, she was doing all of this for the "right" reasons, right? So, not really something to argue about. But what was really happening is that she had a serious case of the "medifatigues" and she just wanted to move on to the "next" step. The Brat was tired of 5&1. 

I'm not picking on her, I am going to use her experience as a lesson for me. When other people question my decisions, I tend to want to shout them down. "Listen to me! I know what I am doing." Except, I don't. Not always. Sometimes I just really want a change. Sometimes I really don't want to hear how I am being hypocritical or rationalizing bad decisions. And this has been a wake up call for me. Stop arguing. Start listening. Stop giving my inner brat so much power and lying to myself and thinking that it is me "listening to my body". I need to really learn how to tune in to everyone. Not just the voices saying what I want to hear. 

I suspect this is a life lesson and not just related to weight loss. I should probably hide this blog from my husband. 

FIFTY!!! Gone, gone gone

I've been sick all week (again). I actually think this is part 2 of the flu I had two weeks ago, so I was fairly sure I would experience a stall like the first part. Instead, it appears my body's typical cycle overrides anything the flu can do, and I am in my drop drop drop part of the month.

Even so, I stepped on the scale resigned to a shallower than normal drop. Instead, I got a big drop. Big enough to get me to 50 pounds lost EXACTLY! 

What is it about these milestones? Why do they mean so much? Why are is 50 worth so much more than the 48.5 pounds I had lost as of yesterday? It seems odd that that 1.5 pounds can mean so much. But it does. 

I've been so diligent about not overstating my losses. I don't round up my losses when I talk to people because I know it will diminish the experience when I actually get there. So, it gets kind of tedious to say, "I've lost 46 pounds." or "48.5 pounds". I actually got a little upset when my husband told his uncle I had lost 50 pounds when I wasn't even to 45 pounds, yet. Each pound matters. Each half a pound matters, each lean and green, each MF packet, each glass of water, each stall, each blog, each forum post, each step on this journey matters. 

So, while some parts of me want to "get there already", the saner parts of me understand that I need time to sit with each step and really be ok with where I am.

All the same, I am totally doing some happy dancing around the house this morning. ;)

Photo Journal of a day of calories in and out

So, as part of Dr A's 30 day challenge, the second day he asks for us to record everything we consume and also track how we expend that energy. I do this regularly; I saw another MF member do it with pictures and I thought that was FABULOUS! So here goes:

Breakfast: Apple & Cinnamon Oatmeal with flax seed, tea & 20 ounces of water 

Map of C25k workout

Second Breakfast: Strawberry Shake & 20 ounces of water (except I forgot to capture the picture until after it was mostly gone.)

Lunch: Chili & 20 ounces of water 

Mid-afternoon snack: Southwestern Eggs plus 3 Egg Whites, a Mushroom & 20 ounces of water 

Dinner: Turkey Meatloaf, Green Beans & 20 ounces of water 

Before bed snack: Brownie & 20 ounces of water 

Final Summary of Day:  

It was fun - even if I forgot to take the photos twice before I ate the food. ;)

Dressing for Success

I work part of each day in two separate offices. One is a small architecture firm run by two guys who are amazing businessmen and have worked really hard to stay open and profitable through the housing bubble crash and the financial bubble crash. The other is a small non-profit run by about 200 dedicated members and 1 Executive Director (all women) and they have successfully reduced their deficit budget over the last three years - far ahead of the 5 year plan they implemented.

The dress code at both places is mostly casual, sometimes we step it up to business casual, but that isn't generally gonna happen. Jeans, holey sweaters, Keens - you know, not so much what some might think "dressing for success" looks like. But as I was showering after my C25K workout, I realized the clothes aren't what scream success, it is their healthy lifestyles. One of the architects came back from lunch and was crowing about how he ran 10 miles in an hour - and showing off his stats in MapMyFitness. The other one came into work that morning drooling over some new bicycle. The runner is a marathoner and has run the NY marathon in addition to the ones around town; the biker has done the STP (Seattle to Portland) bike race in one day the last couple of years and RAMROD (a bike race around Mt Rainier) twice, as well. Then, I thought about my ED; SHE walks 4 miles and her "walk" takes her straight up 500 ft of elevation at mile 3.2 - and she does yoga 3-4 times a week. When we are in work/project crunches, there is constant push from everyone to make sure we all get our workouts in. It isn't about getting home to the kids and families (although that gets mentioned, too) as much as it is, "I need to leave by X so that I can get my ride/walk/run in."

 

So, as I lose weight and gain activity, I find myself chomping at the bit to "dress for success" as they do. I too am excited to talk about my Dirty Girl Runs and my progress with increased activity. 

Imbolc/Candlemass/Groundhog's Day/St Brigid's Day

This is absolutely my favorite holiday of the year. It is very much a northern hemisphere holiday. February 1st into the morning of the 2nd is about when we first start to notice that we aren't going into work AND leaving work in the dark. I don't have to leave a light on for my husband because it will still be light when he gets home. I start to see the crocuses blooming - a welcome bit of color in everyone's yards. Things are percolating again. It is celebrated by one of the best Bill Murray movies of all time - well really, who doesn't love the scene of him with the groundhog driving at mad speeds into a fiery explosion? ...  More, that movie is about finding and achieving your dreams; once he has figured out his path, and taken the important first step, his life moves on.

There are no Hallmark Cards for this holiday. No special sludge to eat or drink. Just candles and meditation and fertility. 

Fertility? WHAT?!?! Where did that come from?

Sure, the more common use of the term, but it is also about bringing your goals to fruition. I've been thinking about them and planning, but now is the time for them to come into being. As much as I like to believe that I am a person who springs immediately into action, it generally takes a little bit of time between when I start to talk about change to when I actually take action. Even when I started MF in October: I had actually signed up for MF in SEPTEMBER, the box came and then I waited 2 weeks to start. I don't regret that thinking time, it allows me to really get centered on how I will proceed and have a greater understanding of what will be entailed with my decisions. So every year on this day, it is my second chance to recommit to my New Year's resolution (or my Yule hopes/dreams - or my Advent pledges). 

Every year, I light a candle and sit with my hopes and dreams; defining and focusing on my goals for the future, organization, health, and protection. I get to really unpack all my fears about the steps to said goals. I get to decide which steps are appealing and which ones feel daunting. I get to address the daunting ones with either making plans for making those steps smaller, or by enlisting aid, or by talking them out with someone (usually my husband). I never beat myself up about not having "started" on said resolution or goal in the past month - because I am honest with myself about how this in-between time has been helpful for allowing things to percolate. Kind of my own personal reliving of the same day over and over until I am ready to move forward. 

This year, I have a lot of changes in store. I have made some pretty big goals including a new job and a new home. I need to sit in front of the candle and meditate on what is both desirable and undesirable in my life and in my heart. Affirm that I will nurture the good and dissuade the bad. It is time to light a candle and get started.

And, if the candle doesn't work, I can always revisit the Pep Talk. <<<<---- watch it.